Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
