im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
