I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
how drunk are you?
Several
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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