i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
