My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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