i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
