I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
