We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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