very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
