Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
