quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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