The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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