You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize