Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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