i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
