Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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