i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
