are you still at the devil's house?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
