Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
