Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
