What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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