A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
