woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
