sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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