i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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