I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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