ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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