haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
