I hate all girls vehemently.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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