it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
