Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
