how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
