Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
