Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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