My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
