...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
