i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish you could order shots online.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
