if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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