I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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