it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
my poor anus
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
