the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
