im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
