whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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