I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
