i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
