she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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