I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
