Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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