No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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