So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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