Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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