She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
