The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
