After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.