You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
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sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
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And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys