i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I pour the whiskey from now on