i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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