god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
