Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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