i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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