I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
