So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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