my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
