Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
