A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
