I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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