You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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