I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
