just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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