i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
