I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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